Some workplaces really are toxic and it’s not just about a bad fit. It’s just plain bad. The time you’re still there, and even after you’ve left can be a huge weight on your mind, body, and spirit. I want to honor you for your above-and-beyond perseverance so far. It’s no joke.
I’ve got guidance below for coping, recovery, and getting out without landing in the next frying pan.
For sensitive souls like me and my clients, this stuff is extra hard on us because we care so much and might be more nervous to rock the boat. I’ve written this post with you in mind.
In an earlier post, I wrote about how work that isn’t aligned with you can be so hard on your confidence, and I offered ways to recover some confidence even before leaving that role. That mismatch situation is hard enough on your well-being! [See: That big bout of low confidence about work.]
Today I want to talk about when it’s about a toxic workplace you’re trying to survive in or recover from. That’s next level.
Coping While Still There
The tips in that earlier post still can help you start your way back to confidence.
But in the case of a toxic workplace, I would also fold in some or all of these into the recipe:
Day-to-day coping:
- Use self-compassion statements every day.
Example: “Oh honey, it’s just hard. You’re still lovable and amazing no matter what.” - Allow tears for a good release. Everyday is healthy and helpful.
- Take your breaks away from the workplace.
Even one step outside can be worth it. - Connect with compassionate support and let it in.
Empathetic connection is huge. Consider a therapist or a workplace abuse recovery specialist. - Take time off, even a day.
Consider sick time, mental health days, or a leave of absence. Breaks are important and there might be more options than you think. - “Slack off.”
Don’t give the job your all anymore. You’re probably someone who cares a lot and you want to do your best, so here’s your permission to go for C+ instead of A+ right now. (Which will probably still be an A+ in others’ eyes, because you’re amazing.) - Get further away from the worst part.
Look for and ask for opportunities to switch departments or roles, to get away from the worst of it. - Support at work?
If there’s someone who feels safe to confide in, such as in HR, consider it. Documenting what’s happening can help. I get it that getting things to change might seem impossible but it’s worth considering for your sake and others.
Next job planning tips while there:
- A compassionate job search coach can smooth the way out and toward a job without the same issues.
- It’s OK and healthy to go for a bridge job and not the ideal job next. Getting out is likely the bigger priority.
- Worrying about a gap in your résumé if you leave without a next job? Gaps are not as important as you might think, certainly not more important than your well-being.
You’ve left and still feeling tender?
That’s super normal. Even after you’re out of there, I’ve observed that people often have some lingering jitters and tenderness about what they went through. Healing takes time, and healing does happen, especially with support.
It can feel hard to look for another job out of a conscious or unconscious fear of the same thing happening again. It’s easy to feel hopeless about that. There’s some bad stuff out there, no doubt.
It’s hard to do a career transition or job search when you’re feeling tender. Therapy or other methods of workplace trauma recovery might need to be paired with or come before your career transition process.
Preventing it from happening again
A key way to prevent landing in another toxic situation is to get creative with screening the potential employers. There are creative questions you can ask, and ways to do some digging, to help you see the problems before you say yes. Some people use AI to help with researching an employer and formulating questions to ask in an interview.
A good job search coach helps with this as part of the process.
Wrapping Up
Phew, I’m feeling for you. There are many many people who get it, even if you’re feeling so alone with it. Please don’t stay alone with it.
Will you choose one small thing to support yourself today? You already get bonus points for taking time to read this for yourself.
