Unhappy at work. If you’ve found yourself typing that phrase into a search bar late at night, I want you to know two important things right away: you are not alone, and your body doesn’t lie. Unhappiness is a signal to have a look at what’s up.
Are you hating your job but not sure why or what to do? And what if it pays well? The money part can feel paralyzing. Let’s talk about this unhappy at work conundrum.
I heard this the other day, and I realize I’ve heard something like it many times:
I can’t tell if I should stick it out at this job or look for something new? It’s only been a couple years and it took so much to get here, so maybe I’ll just get better at it? I should probably stick it out. But I’m so drained…”
I’m just gonna tell you like it is, like what I told her.
If you feel drained or you sometimes hear yourself say “I hate my job,” something needs to change. That won’t go away if nothing changes. Even if it pays well, you’ll still run out of steam.
Especially after a couple years in her case, that’s enough data to know something is off. The body doesn’t lie.
Change doesn’t have to mean you have to leave that job. There could be a middle ground between just stay the course as is, and leave. But for sure something needs to change in this case. I’ll say it again. The body knows.
I’ll explain how to figure it out. It could be easier than you think to find some relief.
First of all, it’s NOT you.
You’re not broken. You don’t need to fix yourself. Yes, we can all grow and build our strengths over time. And depression can be real and can cloud judgement. (That happened to me!) But you and I are not broken, no matter what.
It’s true that we could all benefit from upping our self-care, especially during rough patches, but these situations are usually more than that. The situation itself needs a look.
Yes, the first year or so of a new role at work or starting a new business is hard, like a white water section when riding on a river. But it shouldn’t stay in that off-kilter feeling indefinitely.
No one can sustain that without consequences. In fact, when something is draining, it gets worse over time. Yikes. Know what I mean? It is feeling like that?
Plus staying in that draining, unhappy place is not how you can do your best work in the world. And your gifts matter. Even if you don’t know what your gifts are yet.
If you’re a highly sensitive person (HSP), like I am, the consequences of a harsh situation can be especially hard on us. I was SO exhausted in the wrong job, and my brain just couldn’t get into gear in the way some part of me knew it could. Some days, my brain only knew this one thing: I’m so unhappy at work.
No, you’re not “too sensitive.” You have important gifts and you need the right environment for them to flow.
It’s OK to want what you actually need in order to thrive. When your gifts flow, it’s amazing! It feels amazing and the outcome is amazing. Good place to start: Let yourself want that feeling. (Desire fuels your momentum.)
How much stress is too much?
This might help:
It’s one thing to feel tired and mentally worn down at the end of a busy workday, especially if you’re a sensitive person. It’s another thing entirely to experience chronic overstimulation on the job. Also pay attention to the physical sensations in your body. Do you regularly experience muscle aches and tension, an upset stomach, a tight feeling in your chest, trouble sleeping, pain, or fatigue? If these symptoms don’t have a clear physical cause (such as an illness or an infection), then they may be another way your body is trying to communicate with you.”
~ Jenn Granneman and Andre Solo, in their book, Sensitive.
There’s nothing to fix about you.
Let’s not fix ourselves to fit external circumstances or the demands of a unhealthy or mismatched work situation. That never works. Plus it’s exhausting.
We can get better at some things, yes, but that’s different than starting from thinking you’re flawed by nature.
If you are down on yourself and think you should be fixing yourself, or fixing some so-called “weakness,” then you don’t yet understand your wonderful talents, which everyone has. In that case, it’s time to clarify your strengths.
Learning about my strengths was so eye-opening for me. A career coach helped me with that. Have you done that and gone over it with someone who cares about you, like a career coach?
By the way, introverts and sensitive souls can easily end up in mismatched work situations because the typical workplace is not made for us! It’s not your fault. More about what’s happening for introverts and caring people in mainstream work environments:
Why INFJs and INFPs Feel Stressed at Work (and Some Career Stress Relief)
Believing that you matter is a key part of the solution.
From that place of self-compassion, it becomes much easier to look objectively at your environment and ask a crucial question: is this just a bad fit, or is it something much worse?
Is It Just a Mismatch, or Is It a Toxic Workplace?
It’s one thing to be in a mismatch role that drains your energy; it’s a big red flag to be in an environment that actively damages your spirit and well-being.
A toxic workplace can look like a culture of constant fire drills, subtle bullying or harassment that goes unchecked, or an unspoken rule that you must always be “on.”
If your gut is telling you that the madness around you is next-level bad, you aren’t imagining things. You’re not being “too sensitive”!
I put together a separate piece on How to Cope with and Recover from a Toxic Workplace to help you steady your confidence, protect your mental health, and map out an escape plan.
Whether not it can be called toxic or not, things feels bad right now so keep reading for some next steps.
Sanity Protection: Buying Time to Think Clearly
When you are miserable at work, it’s hard to tell if you are in the wrong field or just drowning in daily chaos. To get the clarity you need for your next steps, you need immediate stress relief first.
You don’t have to start by making major career moves or saying a “no” to everything. Instead, you can practice leaning into your big heart as a strength by being clear and kind in your communication about what works for you or not.
If you are dealing with a demanding boss or a high-pressure situation, give yourself an immediate magic energy shield by buying time. The next time you are put on the spot, give your nervous system some breathing room by saying:
- What to say: “I’ll give that some thought and check my current timeline before I get back to you.”
This simple phrase gives you the space to step back and evaluate your limits calmly.
With a few calming measures like that each day, you gain a smidge more breathing room, and it can get easier to start sorting out next steps.
(If you want a few more gentle examples of how to protect your energy without closing your heart, check out my energy protection guide, with introverts and sensitive souls in mind).
Diagnosing Why You Are Unhappy at Work
How do you know if it’s the wrong field, the wrong team, the wrong structure, the wrong hours, the wrong self-care before or after work…?
Yep, there’s a lot of puzzle pieces to discover and put together. So the overview answer is that if you feel drained, it’s time to look at the puzzle pieces, mine the data:
- Where do I get drained?
- Where do I get energized?
Both of those questions are important. It’s not just about reducing the draining parts, it’s also about increasing the energizing parts.
Examples:
- If you feel drained every time you have to meet with your boss, well, that’s telling.
Could be the right field, wrong boss. But still that is not enough to know for sure about the right or wrong field. Keep mining the data. - If you feel happy when you meet with clients but not when you’re dealing with the externally imposed break-neck speed of things, that’s telling too. That sounds like it could be the right field or type of role, but the wrong structure.
OK, now we’re on to something.
In my case, I needed a different line of work and a different place altogether. That amount of change sounds hard on the surface, but actually starting to see any new possibilities felt like a relief, that there might even be an answer. It even solved my depression before things changed on the outside.
Hope increased for me with each small step, and having support really made a difference too. Eventually, I chose self-employment (which can work for some introverts and HSPs). My path is not for everyone.
“But finding something better is hard…”
You might be saying, “Sure I’d like a different structure or a different kind of job, but finding that is no small thing.”
Yes, I grant you that. But please also grant me these 3 things:
- It’s worth finding out which piece(s) of the puzzle are causing the “off” feeling.
When you know that, you begin to see what to change in your next work, or even your current work. - If you don’t even let yourself know what might be a better fit, how will you know if it’s possible?
It is worth giving yourself permission to do a little self-discovery and then some possibilities can start to emerge from there. - You don’t have to carry this heavy weight or figure out your next steps alone.
Good support makes it go faster and easier.
This discovery process to find your way is exactly why people see a career coach.
Either of these could be an option for putting the puzzle pieces together for you:
career coaching or a career clarity course.
Learn more about walking through the steps for career clarity.
