We face so many decisions, including big career and business decisions, and it’s so easy to get stuck and not take action, sometimes stalled for years. Stuckness can feel like a heavy weight. You’re not a hopeless case. I’m sharing my easy way out of stuckness here.
By the end of this, you’ll have a simple tool to break free of indecision, even when you’re scared. Plus some examples to make it crystal clear, along with how to make it even easier.
Why We Get Stuck (yes, all of us)
Stuckness is actually very common, because our human brains are wired for getting stuck! It’s not just you.
Our brains are so busy asking “YES or NO” or assuming that it has to be “All or Nothing.” And that’s the wrong question, so we stay stuck, unless we bring a little consciousness to overcome this all-or-nothing cognitive bias.
Using either/or questions, like “Should I go back to school or not?”, are how to stay stuck. And yet it’s our default mode.
Nothing tends to happen from that place. Worse, people start labeling themselves as lazy or fearful when they feel stuck. Which fuels more stuckness and negative self-talk. Ugh. Spiraling stuckness.
Sometimes we compare ourselves to others who never seem stuck (not true), and that can add to our negative self-talk. Other times, we might judge others who seem so stuck and think how they “should obviously just go for it.” In reality, we are all prone to stuckness on the inside and we all have to take steps to stay out of stuckness. Me too for sure.
Okay, I’ll admit, some of us are more cautious about decision-making or risk-taking by nature. Raising my hand. 🖐️
I think being an introvert and/or highly sensitive person (HSP), like myself, can correlate with lots of deep thinking before taking action, and we can seem risk averse. Thinking first is healthy, and of course it can go into overdrive too.
And still, we all have this yes/no mind-block and we can all benefit from the same simple methods to break out of it.
A simple mantra to get unstuck
One way I deal with trouble taking action or making a decision, is to remember this simple truth.
Truth: Whatever happens, I’ll learn from it.
Feels true, right? It’s true. I try to use this like a mantra to relax me back into forward motion.
In my case, I’ve also needed to add in this mantra to overcome my perfectionist tendencies: Go forth and be messy.
That one makes me laugh, and humor is usually good for breaking out of stuckness.
Find the wording that feels true and useful for you, and if it makes you smile, all the better.
Try it: Pause and write down a simple mantra you can lean on.
How does it feel to say it out loud?
But then what if I’m still scared to do it?
Feels like a big thing to risk? Hard decisions are the ones that involve risk. Risk, ack! So then what?
In reality, I pair this take-action method with taking only a TINY step, NOT a big leap.
That way you really can’t go wrong. And you have something to learn from, which is the key to finding a next step. Win win.
Example #1: Small decision
You want some new sneakers and you find some you think you like, but you’re not sure which ones and they’re expensive.
Low-risk small step: I’ll buy these knowing they are returnable if I only wear them around the house at first. Simple.
Example #2: Big decision – career direction
You want to choose a career path, and you wonder if you should sign up for that expensive training or degree.
Don’t just force yourself into yes or no. Remember, that’s the method to stay stuck. Instead:
Low-risk small step: Attend a free intro event to feel out the fit. If you’re leaning in, still don’t sign up. Take another small step, like talk to someone about it. And watch a video or two. You get the idea. One tiny step at a time allows you to feel your way and keep learning. Not so scary.
Can’t go wrong with this two-part method: Tiny steps + learn as you go.
Eventually the once “big” decision is just one more small step away.
This might sound basic at first. But it keeps being a big Aha for our yes/no brains. See if you can catch yourself next time you feel stuck. Are you stuck on a yes/no question? How can you change the question to “What’s a small low-risk step so I can have a peek before leaping?”
Tiny Step Examples
- Send a message to a friend about what’s happening.
- Schedule a 15-minute call.
- Read one article about it.
- Write down my worries and see what comes.
- Attend a one-hour webinar to learn more and ask questions.
Versus the all-too-familiar way to stay stuck
The opposite of the tiny step method:
Staying stuck wondering what to do….
thinking thinking thinking…………….
waiting waiting……
I dunno.
= never moving forward.
Stuckness is so draining.
In reality, usually we can’t make the big decision because we have a lack of information, and you need to gain more information by taking small steps, not leaps.
It’s OK not to know the big answer yet. You’ll get there if you keep going.
True Story of How I Got Unstuck This Month
To model how this works in real life, here’s how it happened for me this month.
Over the last few months, I’ve been thinking about offering a new group program for people who want support to move forward on living their purpose. But I started to get intimidated by the long and overwhelming to-do list to make it happen.
Signs of stuckness started to creep in: “Maybe it won’t actually happen… It’s too hard… I’m not good at this…. No one will be interested anyway….” And I could feel myself getting distracted by little, less essential things.
Then came the magic. I shared about my stalling signs during the business support group I’m in. The leader, my business coach, reminded me to just look for one easy and fun step and start there and see.
My small easy step: My easy zone is talking 1:1 with people who I can help, so I reached out to a few people for a Zoom chat about the group idea, and now I’m back in motion from an excited place. I’m trusting it will actually happen. I’m not feeling stuck at all now. Such a good feeling.
Come to think of it, the secret sauce for getting back to clarity, confidence, and momentum was being real in a kindred spirit community with a good leader. That’s often the case for me especially on the big stuff like living my purpose. There’s no more scary cliffs when I’m with my people.
My lessons:
– Share honestly about it with my kindred spirits to help me find my way back.
– Set aside the big list and focus on one small fun and easy step to get the ball rolling again.
Bottom Line:
- Our brains will continue to look for all-or-nothing answers and keep us stuck, and we have to continue to step back and remember all or nothing is not the way to begin.
- Learn as you go with small steps, until the seemingly big decision is just one more small step away.
- To stay in our best momentum, kindred spirit community works like magic.
➡️ By the way, I host some groups for introverts and HSPs to support your clarity, confidence, and momentum.
When I posted a shorter version of this on LinkedIn, I got this comment:
I really love this advice and agree fully. Staying stuck *is* exhausting and chips away at our self-confidence. When working with coaching clients, I ask what is one action you can take today or this week, that feels doable. Small actions can lead to more small actions that can lead to more confidence, self-worth and bigger actions.
~Marci Shaffer, Job Search Coach
