How do you know if it’s a midlife crisis? What is the definition anyway? If you’re feeling confused and messy about the path you’re on in life and/or career, maybe what you really want to know is what to do about it. No matter your age.
It can feel scary to think about a potential midlife change and the life upheaval that could come as a result. In fact, think the fear of upheaval is the crux of the “crisis.” You also might wonder, Is an upheaval necessary?
I’ll respond to these kinds of questions and worries below.
Here’s how one woman described the midlife crisis feeling to me, and I’ve heard many versions of this over the years as a career and business coach for introverts and sensitive souls:
I am not sure what makes my heart happy these days, I feel like I’m having a mid-life crisis… and I’m not sure I’m old enough for that yet. I’ve had a good job for years, but I am so burned out and I don’t feel like it’s meaningful enough, or with any sort of purpose. I feel like a confused mess.” ~Anonymous
Answers to questions about midlife crisis:
What is a midlife crisis, anyway?
I think what a “midlife crisis” is a feeling, when your heart is trying to say something is off or misaligned with who you are or who you’re becoming. It can feel like a heavy weight on your heart that won’t go away. It can feel like a constricted feeling, and it can be exhausting. And confusing.
It can feel like like the map you were using for a while went foggy, or hit a dead end, and you need to find a light to see where to go now.
It might sound like this inside your head: Is this the right career? right relationship? right anything? Am I depressed? Am I a hopeless case? It can feel like a swirl of questions. Big questions.
It does NOT mean you’re truly lost or that you need to toss everything out.
It’s simply time to slow down, connect with what’s important to you now (which takes a little conscious effort), and then make decisions from your true self.
Can a midlife crisis happen earlier than midlife?
I believe that “midlife” is a misleading name for this feeling since these same feelings can happen anytime you’re on a path and starting to wonder if it’s the wrong path.
I think the name originated because the feeling used to be more noticeable at midlife because the signals were getting loud enough by then, and/or the power to finally make some changes started to make it more visible by midlife. Most of us were trained well to ignore our feelings until they want to explode.
Now I notice people who talk about this are younger and younger, perhaps because more people are taking time to notice how they feel, and valuing that more. I think that’s great.
Whenever it’s happening, it’s good to listen to the feelings.
What is the midlife crisis feeling trying to tell me?
I think a midlife crisis could be your heart, or your true self, knocking on your door, saying “I have some needs that aren’t getting met.” Honoring that doesn’t mean throw out your whole life.
More specifically, I think the midlife crisis feeling is saying this: “I started down one path and am now sensing that something is off or not quite me anymore, and I need a moment to understand what’s up and find my way again.”
Unfortunately, most people get this tightening feeling and try to run from it, such as with alcohol, TV, more sleep remedies, spending, or filling up every minute. But in the wee hours of the night, that vague discomfort can get louder.
It can feel like a buzzy anxiety or restlessness in the early stage, and then it can escalate into a full-on burnout, total exhaustion, or depression. Or blowing up your whole life before thinking first. Ack. None of that is necessary.
Why not do a little reflection before it gets that bad?
It’s safe to pause and listen inside. No change commitment required.
What to do about a midlife crisis?
If you’re feeling some signals and wondering what to do, that’s cause to celebrate. It’s healthy to notice something is off and it’s great that you’re hearing your heart trying to tell you something, at any time in life.
This feeling means it’s time to figure out what your heart is calling for. And that might sound confusing or scary at first but there are simple steps to understand what you want in life at this new juncture. They’re actually fun and empowering steps, not scary to do.
Introverts and highly sensitive people (HSPs) usually enjoy and are good at being introspective. You get to lean on that here, but beware of going down rabbit holes and overthinking here. A planful approach helps.
For a look at a planful approach to discovery, here’s a simple Career Roadmap for Sensitive Souls, so you can see how the self-discovery process can work for you.
💡 Cool fact: The steps for career discovery also help with clarity of who you are and what you want in life, in the broad sense.
What if I'm scared of what a midlife crisis will lead to?
You might be feeling like a big mess and having a hard time making decisions, about small and large things like career and relationships. That’s big stuff. And it affects the people around you and your livelihood. No wonder it’s scary.
It’s OK to feel messy. That’s part of life. You’re not actually a mess. Don’t listen to the anti-messy police in your head. That’s too constricting and not life-affirming.
When something is scary, it’s a good time to slow down, do a little self-discovery work such as working with a career coach or life coach or joining a group program such as a Career Clarity for Introverts and HSPs.
The self-discovery process itself feels good, so you’ll gain stress relief even before making any changes.
And when clarity starts to arrive, it comes with confidence and shoulders relaxing. You don’t have to start with confidence.
Small step by small step is enough.
Although any period of uncertainty is uncomfortable, you can pat yourself on the back for reaching this threshold, and look forward to an even more authentic and rewarding life.”
~Lucille Aaron-Wayne M.A., art therapist, in Psychology Today, “Are You in a Midlife Crisis? Congratulations.”
Bottom Line
- Midlife crisis type feelings are normal and healthy. Your heart is talking to you.
- No blowing up your life needed! Leaping before looking is not a good idea.
- Waiting for the feeling to go away on its own doesn’t tend to help.
- A simple discovery process to discover some realignment options is safe and enjoyable. And such a relief.
- Small step by small step is enough.
- The steps for career discovery also help with clarity of who you are and what you want in life, in the broad sense. (Get a career roadmap to understand the steps here.)
