If you’ve ever lost a job, you know how crushing that can be to a sense of self-worth, not to mention a hit to your sense of financial security (like a punch in the gut). Let’s talk about that, and make it easier.
[You can listen to or read this post. About 7 minutes.]
Behind the scenes, I know many people who have been let go who I see as amazing and gifted people with so much to offer. The way of typical business is NOT a test of your worth.
I’ll explain my own gut-punch experience, my theory on what it means when you are let go, and I’ll provide a simple exercise to help you in your recovery process.
When My Job Was Threatened
According to my boss at the time, my approach to raising ideas and questions was irritating her and other people. It was a bit confusing to me at the time. Eventually, we worked it out and she said all was fine.
Then, when the company needed to do layoffs during an economic downturn, she used that moment to threaten me to just tow the line and stop asking questions and raising ideas, or else I’d be laid off with the others. I was stunned, having been there many years, having been a hard worker, and having just been told all was fine.
In my shock that day, I just said yes to her demands, not even fully understanding them, just so I could keep paying the bills. Big ouch. I don’t know if I slept at all that night. It felt like a punch in the gut for sure.
At least I took something useful from that painful experience. I found new ways to raise my ideas with an approach that seemed to work better. I learned how to be more clear and empathetic in my communication, and not as blunt as I had been.
And I got stirred up in (eventually) good ways.
Then I got the itch for something better…
Even though things did get a little better for a while, there was something else calling me…
I needed to leave for something better. Something meaningful! Where my ideas and enthusiasm are actually wanted! I mean, right? Those are good things.
I also really needed an escape from the noise in that open-office/ cubicle environment. So so irritating for me. (That’s an awful work environment for introverts and highly sensitive people like me. Too hard to think and get things done!)
I eventually left that job. A big relief in the end.
Working there in that mismatch of a job all those years fueled my resolve to explore self-employment. I was so ready for letting my ideas run free. (Although, to be honest, I still thought self-employment was only extrovert territory so I still had some work to do on that since I’m an introvert. See Self-employment for Introverts.)
That was my path. But let’s deal with the immediate situation first.
It’s Not About You. Here’s What It Does Mean When Your Job Is Threatened.
Being fired is just plain hard, and so is having your livelihood outright threatened, whether explicitly or implicitly with all those messages of “Buck up, or else…” and “That’s your problem.”
That’s hitting where it hurts — our ability to put food on the table. It’s . A . Big . Deal.
And yet, none of what they choose to do is a reflection on our true gifts.
Granted, sometimes a company needs to let someone go. I’ve even been the one to let someone go, I admit, usually because of something way out of lines, like harassment.
In the typical scenario (where an employee didn’t do something outlandish), I believe job threats and dismissals can be a reflection of a mismatch between employer perspective and employee perspective.
Sometimes our gifts and the employer’s needs are a mismatch, or at least mismatch timing or mismatch boss, and it’s time for you to find a better fit. More often though, I think leaders just don’t know how to tap our gifts that are useful to them. Such a loss, for everyone. And so much needless stress.
Sometimes we don’t even know what our gifts are. Right? I hear that a lot.
When you do know who you are and what your true talents and interests are, you will more likely find the right work and the right environment where they appreciate you for what you bring.
That’s not an overnight thing to do, to figure all that out and find it.
But it can be done. (Please hold on to that possibility.) And sometimes that discovery process is essential for your sense of self-worth too, not just for your income.
A Writing Exercise to Help You Recover
Something that has helped me find more clarity about what happened and where I belong is to write out what happened. Writing helps us make sense of things, capture the lessons, and find clarity for next steps.
I’ve given this exercise to some of my clients who were still feeling the hurt from a past job loss and were having trouble moving forward, even a year or more later. Even if it was their choice to leave a bad situation.
After they did this exercise, the tension started to soften and they were able to move forward with a bit more calm.
I have used these questions myself to spark some useful clarity and stress relief. I recommend doing this in writing, not just in your head.
- Describe my boss and co-worker experience and what parts were not a good fit for me.
- What are some things I definitely don’t want to repeat in my next work?
- What parts of the job experience did I enjoy most?
- What are some accomplishments that I’m happy about in that job?
- What are some aspects of that job that I want in my next work?
- Something I’m sad about…
- Why did it end? (Go beyond the surface.)
- What are 3 lessons I want to take with me?
- What am I grateful for about that job experience?
- Imagine what would a loving guardian angel say about the situation?
- Keep writing whatever else is coming to you from here.
You don’t have to answer all the questions. For me, the inventory gave me some new insights, a sense of letting go, and some ideas for what to look for next. (Psst, if you are a client of mine, ask me for the worksheet version of this.)
In my case I also talked it out with a career coach to not only learn from the past but explore who am I and why am I here. (By the way, I can now see how everything has led me to where I am today, with work that I love.)
A final word…
In the meantime, if you’ve lost your job or feel like it’s being threatened, I am feeling for you.
Just searching the job ads is not the best place to start, and it can be further draining.
I described how I recommend finding a better career fit in this free mini-course which people say has been stress-relieving:
Career roadmap for introverts and highly sensitive people.
Sending lots of love to you,
Val
