You can be both extroverted and highly sensitive. It’s a wonderful combination: You have awesome gifts to share. And it’s also tricky: “I need people time AND I can get exhausted by people time.” There are ways to make that seeming conflict easier, and enjoy the gifts more.
I love the extroverted HSPs in my life. They have so many gifts — like socializing ease, and high empathy and caring. They’re wonderful to be around. 🥰 I also understand how sensitive extroverts can get exhausted and I’ll share some tips to help.
Before understanding these traits, a sensitive extrovert might be wondering why all the anxiety, exhaustion, or misfit feeling. 😰 And you might assume you just need to fix it or try harder. Nope.
When you understand what extroversion and high sensitivity are really about, and how to care for your unique needs, it all starts to make sense, and life gets easier. A little knowledge goes a long way.
❤️ I created this “love note” video for HSP extroverts, and it includes a few self-care tips:
Facts about Highly Sensitive Extroverts
- About 15–20% of people are highly sensitive, and research is still in progress about these numbers. About 30% of highly sensitive people are extroverts. So, around 6% of people are likely extroverted HSPs.
- Most extroverted HSPs don’t know about one or both traits about themselves, or think it’s something else. You might check out these signs you’re an extroverted HSP.
- There is not that much difference between introverted HSPs and extroverted HSPs, while there is a lot of difference between HSPs and non-HSPs. [source] Thus, knowing about your sensitivity is a critical piece of self-awareness and self-care.
- HSP extroverts often end up in bad-fit, exhausting career situations because they need a blend of people time and quiet time and may lean too far one way or the other in their work. [A better career roadmap for you.]
Here’s a possible starting place for assessing and understanding introversion, extroversion, and high sensitivity. ✅
Being an Extroverted HSP Is Often Confused with Being an Ambivert
Many people think they are “ambiverts” (the middle between introverted and extroverted) but from what I’ve seen, when they learn about the combination of being highly sensitive and being extroverted, they start to find that a better explanation.
Some people in the know have said there’s no such thing as a true middle “ambivert,” based on what these words were intended to mean, and perhaps how the brain works.
Even still, ambiversion is different than being an extroverted HSP. It implies ease in both inward and outward things, whereas an HSP could get overstimulated by many outward things.
If you’ve been thinking you’re an ambivert, or a “social introvert” or “extroverted introvert”, think again. You could actually be a sensitive extrovert and that could better inform your self-care and decisions.
Self-care Tips for Sensitive Extroverts
You’ll naturally lean toward socializing and caring for others. However, an area that can get neglected is self-care/ balance, so these are some ideas you might want to be intentional about:
- Be choosy with spending your wonderful social energy. Focus on the most meaningful and energizing kinds for you. You might lean towards all kinds of socializing, but the most meaningful ones are more energizing. 🥰 While other kinds, without as much heart in it, can be draining.
- As mentioned in the above video, remember to take little self-check-in breaks while out socializing so you can notice when you’re hitting your limit. 😰
- Find your HSP kindred spirits so you can receive some of that wonderful empathethic caring to fill your own cup. It’s easy for you to keep going and going, but that can be depleting if your own cup isn’t filled too. 🍵 [Ideas for community and support for HSPs]
- If your work feels off in some way, consider getting a fresh look at what could make it work better for you, for your work environment and your career or business direction. I offer a free career roadmap for sensitive souls.
Insights from Highly Sensitive Extroverts
One of the gifts of being a sensitive extrovert is my ability to read the room and feel energized after helping groups connect or reconnect. I’ve had groups I’ve facilitated tell me how good that feels, and I love the energy boost after.”
~Monica, extroverted HSP, professional development consultant/coach
The highly sensitive extrovert (HSE) thrives on deep meaningful connections with others. We often work best when collaborating with others, especially when feeling safe to share our truest thoughts and feelings. We are creative, visionary, and inspired by common interests we share with others. We thrive on mutuality, reciprocity, and empathy, and can wither without it.”
~Jacquelyn Strickland, LPC (counselor), HSP extrovert, certified Myers-Briggs professional, and recognized HSP expert and retreat host. [in her article on introversion, extroversion and HSPs]
More Proof that Sensitive Extroverts Are Needed and Beloved
Some of the most beloved characters in children’s literature are what I would consider extroverted HSPs. They continue to inspire others over many generations.
Anne of Green Gables, by Lucy Maud Montgomery, of Canada. Anne was delighted by everything in nature and her rich imagination. She was full of creative ideas and smarts.
Her zest for life brought such joy and transformation to those around her. They were at first confused by it and then they found themselves loving it. I think there’s a reason this book continues to be so popular more than 100 years after publication, and has been a beloved TV show too.
(If you haven’t seen Anne with an E on Netflix, it’s a must for all ages.)- Pippi Longstocking, by Astrid Lindgren of Sweden. Pippi is unconventional, free from social conventions and has a wild imagination, not to mention superhuman strength. Many kids and adults secretly want to be like her.
- The Diary of Anne Frank, by Anne Frank. This true diary remains a favorite of young and old. Anne beautifully captures her inner and outer world, as someone who must have been a highly sensitive extrovert.
Bottom Line
- If you are a sensitive extrovert, you’ve got wonderful gifts to share. ☀️
- That mysterious anxiety or exhaustion you’re having might find some relief when you learn more about extroversion and high sensitivity.
- If you know any sensitive extroverts, enjoy those gifts and help them see it too.
- Find your kindred spirits so you can feel deeply understood and appreciated. It fills your cup.
Kindred spirits are not so scarce as I used to think. It’s splendid to find out there are so many of them in the world.”
~Anne, in Anne of Green Gables, by Lucy Maud Montgomery.
Reference for deeper understanding:
> Introversion, Extroversion, and the Highly Sensitive Person, by Jacquelyn Strickland, LPC, on Psychology Today.
9 thoughts on “Highly Sensitive Extrovert Love Note: Balancing Your Challenges and Gifts {video}”
Oh this is so beautiful. My daughter is basically blonde Anne of Green Gables haha. She is completely adorable and wildly emotional. I think of her as a “responder”. Everything in life she can’t help but respond to, as if it is all personal and engaging with her – people and inanimate things and weather and colours. Example; when she was 3, she was so sick, and sitting on my bed looking out the window at the tree close by being shaken by the wind. She suddenly said, “oh, thankyou”, as if feeling touched, and gave the tree a thumbs up, then laid back down. I asked, “hun did you just thank the tree”, and she said so genuinely, “yeh, he could see I was feeling sick so he gave me a nice thumbs up with his leaves to make me feel better”. 😂 She is a pure delight and an exhausting chatterbox. I’m also an extroverted HSP, an ENFP, and a children’s Counseller. I’m still learning how to love my identity and how to deal with it. As a Counseller I become completely shattered with exhaustion. I haven’t managed self care as a single working mum of 3, I’m not sure how to fit it in. When I first read the HSP book by doc Elaine I sobbed and sobbed to hear I wasn’t just dysfunctional. I’d always been ashamed of feeling to deeply, being to easily overstimulated, feeling physical pain so intensely, needing so much down time etc. I learned to hide behind learned acceptable ways of being, and so people loved me for my pretend self, but I didn’t feel loved for who I was because no one had the opportunity too! I was too busy masking. Still unraveling the ramifications of that. But my dear precious girl is growing up free to be her wild unconventional unintentionally hilarious self. And that brings me incredible joy.
How wonderful to hear about your precious girl growing up free to be herself. May we all learn from that and enjoy these gifts. You might also enjoy the new book, Sensitive. It’s so affirming and enjoyable to read, and has tips for adults and kids.
Oh thanks that sounds wonderful!
Thank you for your supportive website and video here. Being a highly sensitive extrovert male can be a challenge, especially combined with having an insecure fearful-avoidant attachment style. I adapt too well to everyone on the surface, and being an extrovert, it is then a challenge to feel my emotions and to then know what boundaries to set. As an ENFP, I end up emotionally overwhelming many people but with the purest of intentions. I sometimes need space to recharge, but it is often only to lick my wounds after others quietly distance themselves from me at the deeper level. Meditation and yoga help, as well as drinking close to a gallon a day of water.
Thank you again. -MC
Thanks for sharing your experience as a sensitive extrovert and ENFP. It makes sense that you might be super tuned in to others and perhaps overly adaptable to them and lose sight of one’s own needs. My sense is that your sensitive extrovert gifts can serve you and others well when you add in the self-care and self-awareness practices that put you back in the mix of who you tune in to. It takes conscious effort and regular practice to stay on top of it, but it gets easier and more effective over time. I hear you’re already doing some good self-care (including by reading online and letting in positive messages). Way to go on all that. I’m so glad meditation and yoga are helpful!
Thank you, for making me understand for who I am. I always wonder what is my personality type and mostly misunderstand by others too. Others say, that I am too sensitive because I and everytime I heard that I pity myself, but still they don’t understand what is the meaning of highly sensitive person traits, though before myself didn’t knew it too. And I search and search to the internet even the article of myer’s briggs personality traits, I thought my personality was INTP or ISTP. But I try to search what is Sensitive person means and I found out this article. Thank you for giving me what I need. All I wish is that someone can comfort me by understanding for who I am, and I was touch to the video that you upload. Thank you so much! Have a wonderful day!
I’m so glad you found it helpful. You will find lots of options for support and additional understanding on this page for HSP well-being and care: https://valnelson.com/resources/hsp-well-being/
Thanks for this. At 77 yrs young you have just helped me accept my exhaustion as part of my INFP personality. Working at local Lowe’s store as Front End greeting and assisting most every customer for hours at a time leaves me breathless and exhausted yet fulfilled. You gave me language I am very familiar with having spent weeks connected to Julie B and her splendid insightful teachings.
May you enjoy peace and fulfillment in your journey.
Sue, that’s great you’re finding some relief in accepting who you are and what feels tiring or what feels good. New language and insights are so good. May you too enjoy peace and fulfillment, Val