How are you feeling about the balance of yin and yang in your life lately? I have to pay attention here, especially as a highly sensitive person (HSP) and a recovering workaholic.
Another way of saying yin-yang balance is balancing your being and doing energies, receiving and giving, pausing and acting, slowing or speeding. It also makes sense to me to call it feminine and masculine energies (not the same as female and male).
Sometimes I go too far into one side or the other and I need to recalibrate. It’s an ongoing effort. Here’s what I mean about what’s happened lately.
Catching Myself Getting Out of Balance
I started having some intense back pain during a family member’s surgery. In hindsight, I see now that I got caught in over-doing and not truly resting. I didn’t realize it because it seemed like there was a lot of sitting around, reading, etc. But my back kept talking to me, telling me there was tension, a vigilance in me.
With lots of self-reflection and talking through with loved ones, I saw that whether or not there was a physical cause, there certainly was too much doing and vigilance in me. I decided to lean towards more yin energy (what I associate with more true being, receiving, pausing, slowing).
The yin side is the most common side that’s ignored in the dominant go-go-go, harsh energy culture. (Yep, that happens to be the feminine side we ignore, on many levels.)
It’s been too easy to fall into that out-of-balance yang-dominant trap without even realizing it. I think of myself as someone who loves to slow down, pause, reflect.
After all, I’m an introvert and a highly sensitive person (HSP) who can get overstimulated with doing too much. Before bringing more consciousness, I had even thought I might be too far into yin, and wondered if I was “not doing enough.”
And yet, I had to admit I had gotten caught in doing doing doing, thinking thinking, planning planning, push push. And of course, my old friend, Worry, came along too. It got out of balance.
To be clear, not all of that “doing” was useful “doing.” I’m including looking at screens, over-helping, planning, thinking. Even with the so-called slower things like reading, I realize I was often bringing a doing or push energy to it, like speeding up to get to the end of the book, or using it like a distraction from presence. Sneaky stuff!
I was bringing a sense of impatience even in my so-called downtime. I guess I can bring yang energy to anything if I’m not conscious about it. Sigh.
Can you relate? I’d love to hear what other introverts or HSPs experience with this. (You can comment below.)
Then it was time for recalibrating.
In September, I started to recalibrate, back into balance. Moving into balance also felt aligned with the Autumnal equinox, a day of equal dark and light, and moving towards more darkness. It’s a natural time to turn inward even though it feels challenging.
I like this word, recalibration. It conjures up the image of moving back into a smoother flow that’s more natural. I’m already feeling some positive results of even saying it and visualizing it.
I started taking action. For instance, I was on the snow removal committee in my neighborhood, and I just told the chairperson I need to step off the committee this year and I was feeling bad about it and trying to solve how they’ll fill the gap. He said, “Look into my eyes and notice that I’m saying it’s OK to completely let it go. You’ve told me and now it’s done. We’ll be fine.”
The over-responsible doer in me needed that clear message to let go, and his kind eyes have stayed with me. I am letting that in. Then I took that with me when dropping off another committee the next day. Oh, I could feel my body thanking me. Now I’m laughing that I was on so many committees.
In my work life, I even let go of adding more to my plate. I simplified my priority list and decided to focus on increasing quality not quantity of services. Turns out that has felt so good, to simply deepen with what’s here already.
To be clear, it’s possible to go too far with yin or yang. I’ve had times of avoiding the yang/ action side of life and work, and that’s a whole other topic. Sometimes it’s hard to tell which side actually needs more attention, which is why I needed a conscious recalibration time, to reflect and re-choose.
Slowness as a practice.
I find it interesting how I think of myself as someone who enjoys slowness and resists fast, and yet, there’s a part of me that really resists slowing, and it’s strong and it is tiring at times.
Despite a zillion needs and worries calling me, it’s actually time to slow down to listen to my inner Tortoise even more. I am feeling better already.
Highly sensitive people, like myself, especially need slowness built in to every day, so you would think I would lean into it. And yet, I still need to remember it’s an ongoing conscious practice.
Part of my recalibration has included listening to this book, Do Nothing, and watching the TED talk: In praise of slowness. Taking in some wisdom, slowly slowly.
More yin, and more balance is a form of rebellion.
When I move back into balance, I am rebelling against the dominant culture that is causing so much harm. When I stop harming myself, I can more easily be part of the solution.
Recalibrating ourselves has ripple effects of recalibrating the whole.
Bottom Line
How do you like the word recalibration? Is more yin or more yang calling to you today? I think it’s a one-day-at-a-time thing. Sometimes we need more action for sure, and sometimes we need a pause.
Maybe you too need to hear this:
- It’s OK to say no and to take a break. You’re still a good person.
- Starting with a break can help you notice what needs recalibrating.
- Finding “right effort” is another aspect of recalibration.
- Finding balance in ourselves has ripple effects that matter to the whole.
